Blog

12/29/2018

Where do the rabbit holes lead?

Warning: I’m in the middle of LOTS of productive struggle. As such, this post is going to twist and turn down several rabbit holes.

Going down the Rabbit Hole:

I’ve been on twitter a LOT lately. Maybe too much. Somewhere about 2 weeks ago I hit a critical mass where I followed enough people to have a near continuous stream of educational ideas/resources popping up in my feed. When I wake up in the morning I can spend at least an hour sifting through them before getting to the top of my feed.

I imagine I’m not the only one with this “problem.”

But I’m recovering from a heart transplant. I have time. So I read the posts, and I open links, and I bookmark tweets, and I email myself articles. And I take the time to go down rabbit holes.

I’ve learned a lot and gathered many new ideas. The hard part is making sense of them and how they all fit together.

TWIST 1: Why should I post what I write?

This is the third time I’ve sat down and started to write a blog post for my new website. I’ve wanted to write something helpful or meaningful. Otherwise why not just keep a journal? Why share it on the web? And then I wonder if this whole “blog post” thing was a narcissistic idea. A recent twitter user was asked by her 9 year old son, “what are podcasts?” She replied, “well, when 3 white men really like their opinions….” And I wonder if a website or blog post is all that different. Especially a website from someone in the beginning/middle stages of learning. I look at the great websites I’ve learned from by teachers and educational leaders speaking from hard-earned experience. Many of them have educational titles after their names, and some of them have credentials linked to NCTM and other mathematical or educational organizations.

I have 9 years of classroom experience, mostly teaching traditionally. Other than that, all I currently have is a desire, when I go back into the classroom, to engage students and be a better teacher than I was before.

So I come to the question, why am I posting at all? I think my primary reason, at least for now, is born of fear: I’m terrified I’ll give up. Teaching is hard. Problem based learning is hard. Standards based grading is hard. Engaging students is hard. Giving up control and letting students do the thinking is hard. Reading the latest research and incorporating new ideas into teaching is hard. Compiling everything you know and not being overwhelmed is hard. Doing something counter to decades of traditional education is hard. #MTBoS, if I had to summarize it, is hard. It’s true, other words describe #MTBoS: Worthwhile, amazing, encouraging, necessary...but it’s also hard.

Couple that with the high stakes and my fear increases exponentially. I know that young adults in the near future—without any choice in the matter—will be placed in my class and provided or not provided opportunities to think, learn, and grow based on the choices I make now.

Maintaining this website is one way I feel I can hold myself accountable to my future students and the goal I’ve set for myself: do better for my future students. It’s also nice to think that maybe there are others like me out there, starting on a similar path, that will read my posts and feel a little less alone.

TWIST 2: I have a future.

On November 14th I’d been home from the hospital for about 3 weeks, and I was starting to get into a routine. And more importantly, for the first time in years, I was starting to envision my future.

Anyone in or who has been in chronic heart failure knows that life without a fully functioning blood pump is difficult. For years, fatigue governed every aspect of my life. I taught 3 classes, then 2, then 1, then none. I had a social life, then less of a social life, then almost no social life. Over the years I spent more time resting and less time living. And over the 5 months it took to go on portable life support, receive a heart transplant, endure 2 open-heart surgeries, and live in the hospital for 6 weeks, I didn’t have time to stop and think about my future.

But two weeks into November, it occured to me: “I’ll be able to teach again.”

This idea, which in the context of fatigue had terrified me, now filled me with joy.

So when I opened my email on November 14th and saw my morning bloglovin’ email reminder—which I’d spent nearly 3 years ignoring—I had to click it. The first article was Jon Orr’s Creating Math Moments: How we can transform typical textbook problems into moments that matter.

TWIST 3: Sucked Down the Rabbit Hole

Creating Math moments led me to:

• Creating some 3-act math tasks and the creation of this website.
• 5 Practices for Orchestrating Mathematical Discussions
  • Anticipate, Monitor, Select, Sequence, Connect
  • NCTM and Principles to Actions
    • Implementing the Common Core State Standards through Mathematical Problem Solving
• Non-Permanent Vertical Surfaces
  • Peter Liljedahl’s Thinking Classrooms
• Back to Twitter and #MTBoS
  • Global Math Department
    • www.saravanderwerf.com
      • Stand and Talks and Notice @ Wonder
      • The idea that I need to learn more about elementary and middle school pedagogy as a HS teacher.
      • Back to twitter: Elementary and Middle School Mathematics —Teaching Developmentally
  • Various strategies/websites/resources
    • Smudge math
    • Vocabulary: Tally Talks
    • www.wouldyourathermath.com
    • www.visualpatterns.org
    • Open Middle Problems
    • www.mathtalks.net
    • https://nixthetricks.com
  • Mathematical Mindsets by Jo Boaler
    • Formative Assessments
      • Embedded Formative Assessment
      • Ideas around grading (or not grading) for a growth mindset
        • Karin Hess’s Rigor Framework
  • Culturally Responsive Teaching & The Brain
  • More books I have yet to order but plan to:
    • How I Wish I’d Taught Math by Craig Barton
    • What’s math got to do with it? By Jo Boaler
    • Necessary Conditions by Geoff Krall
    • Becoming the Math Teacher you wish You’d Had by Tracy Zager

And tons of stuff I haven’t had time to explore yet.

TWIST 4: Each rabbit hole seems to lead to the same den.

When I was a child I loved watching the movie adaptation of Watership Down (1978). My brother and I would watch it and then build our own rabbit den. We’d move the couches, use the furniture, take all the clean sheets in the house and build an elaborate “home” that we’d be safe in. Probably because the movie was terrifying.

Why am I thinking of this now? I think my new learning journey makes me feel much the same as those rabbits felt escaping those that hunted them while looking for a new home—terrified of what what may pursue them, anxious about what awaited them, yet hopeful for discovering a new way of being. I’m trying to escape from a pattern of teaching I’ve come to believe isn’t ideal for my future students and find a new way of being and teaching. I’m feeling anxious but hopeful. I know it won’t be easy. I know I’m going to stumble. I know I’m going to experience failure. But after nearly 6 weeks of studying and exploring, I’m getting glimpses of what the process will look like. I’m starting to envision what the end product will be. I’m finding many common denominators, as if each rabbit hole ultimately leads to the same den. I’m wrapping these ideas around me like a patchwork blanket, and they provide me some comfort. Here are some of the patches:

• Math is inherently interesting! I need to stop taking the joy out of it by turning it into formulas and procedures. Gimmicks aren’t needed.
• Students are human beings and come from varied backgrounds. I need to know who they are, where they come from, and how they see themselves (and me). I need to honor their experiences and feelings. I need to build relationships with them.
• I need to provide quality tasks with low thresholds and high ceilings. Students need to be provided legitimate opportunities to explore and make connections every day.
• I need to be deliberate in my choices. I need to plan carefully. I’m a facilitator in learning, not the “sage on the stage.” I need to stop “getting in the way.”
• Manipulatives and visuals are key to learning! Collaboration is key to learning!

I’ve done this long enough to know I’m going to continue to feel confused and anxious, even with many months left to prepare for getting back to the classroom. I know these feelings will likely continue throughout my career. So I find myself grateful for the resources available to me that I didn’t know existed before. I’m grateful for and inspired by the teachers, authors, and #MTBoS community members who have come before as true innovators. They give me hope that I’ll be able to follow a similar path—and ultimately impact students’ lives in positive ways.